Hey readers! Taxes are finished, and I’ve got a lot of money headed my way! Or an audit.
I don’t really know how taxes work, but they don’t seem that bad. Here I thought taxes were all about paying the government. Instead, they’re paying me! Yay taxes!
In all likelihood, I’m being paid for the mental exertion of filing.
The wonders of modern technology have helped reduce this brain-strain substantially, though. Used to be you had to get all your tax papers from the previous year together and pay a qualified tax person to take care of the problem. Now you pay a computer. This is better because you don’t have to get out of your jammies.
And that’s what we pay taxes for in the first place, isn’t it? The right of every god-fearing American to lounge around the house in his pajamas watching day-time television, while occasionally peering out the window to watch the outside world walk its dogs. It’s the American dream.
You know what’s not the American dream? Work! Work’s a hassle; not like taxes! (Yay taxes! It’s free money!)
Problem is, everywhere you go someone wants you to work. Your parents say you can do whatever you want with your life one day, and the next they say “you can’t sit around eating cheese puffs your whole life, why don’t you get a job.”
You know who doesn’t have to work though? Besides hamsters? That’s right: rich people. That’s why I’ve decided to be rich.
Now that I’ve figured out how easy it is to get money from taxes, it shouldn’t take me any time at all. I figure if I do my taxes once a week, this should put me well on my way to fast wealth.
Looks like I’m gonna need a few more pairs of jammies.