Free Hands

My wife just bought me a hands-free device for my cellphone since I drive quite a bit for work. And because I recently hit a deer.

It comes in very handy, but now that I don’t have to hold the phone, I’m finding it difficult to figure out what to do with my hands.

You set cruise control and the car basically drives itself, so all that’s left to do is text and talk on your phone. What’s left for these poor hands to do without a phone? That’s why I’ve resolved to start bringing an etch-a-sketch with me wherever I go.

This way I can get the most out of my driving experience.

Which brings me to the point of this post: bad drivers. The roads are crawling with them. Like insects drawn to bright lights, they buzz into our streets and aimlessly zip around until they run into someone. And don’t get me started on pedestrians. One second you’re trying to angle your rear-view mirror for a good self etch-a-portrait, and the next: BAM! Someone’s grandma is a hood ornament.

It’s almost enough to make one opt to stay at home all the time.

But this would be the wrong course of action. The bad drivers might come to think they’ve won.  No. Like with bullies, the right way to handle the situation is to fight back.

They think they’re bad drivers, huh? Be twice as bad! It’s very much like a wolf pack. You need to show the bad drivers who the alpha driver is.

Only by beating them at their own game can we really solve the problem. If traffic is already moving at a snail’s pace, then why would old people bother leaving their bingo and shuffleboard games? If traffic accidents already fill our city streets, then the bad drivers will lose their sense of purpose.

And then, once we’ve finally bested them at their own game, we’ll be free to set the cruise, chat on our bluetooths and sketch our etches without fear of bad drivers.

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