Stevan The Barbarian and the Department Store Heist Part 2

Stevan watched from the doorway as the shadowy form turned around holding a single sheet of paper. The thin, self-satisfied smirk across Snorf’s face was immediately replaced by a look of horror as his light revealed the chiseled details of this barbaric giant blocking his path

Stevan wasted no time. Snorf’s face, now contorted with fear,  became locked in the vice-like grip of the barbarian’s might hand. His feet levitated off the ground momentarily. When they landed, they were quickly followed by a crumpled body. Continue reading

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Arby’s Value Investigation

Alright readers, you’ve been biting your nails long enough. I promised a ground breaking post today, so here it is.

If you’re like me, you love Arby’s tender, juicy roast beef sandwiches. Since I’m the only person who reads my blog, I’ll just assume that you are, in fact, very much like me.

I recently decided to investigate Arby’s meat value (cost per ounce) to determine the most cost-effective way to eat Arby’s. I am now sharing this information free of charge to you. Just pay separate processing and handling.

Here’s the scoop in chart format:

Get more value for your money

Continue reading

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Stevan The Barbarian and the Department Store Heist Part 1

Wow, the response on my latest poll about whether or not I should hold said poll was amazing.     If you’re one of the one readers that participated in the poll, then you already know that you chose (overwhelmingly) for me to write another Stevan the Barbarian post, so let us tarry no longer.

Deep in the dark bowels of a mystical labyrinth of shopping centers and department stores, a small group of suit-clad schemers plotted. Sheltered from the dark of the outside world by the locked gates to the shopping complex, the four figures weaved plans for the labyrinth’s destiny. Continue reading

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I poll, you decide. Where “you” is just me again.

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Nerf Darts and Bullets

If you’ve played the video game “Borderlands,” then you probably enjoyed it. You might even think it’s “really good.”

I think it’s just okay. Continue reading

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Upcoming information

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on the blog here. Sorry about that. I know that you, my readers, will forgive me, because: if I can imagine you exist, I can imagine that you’ll forgive me.

This post is a heads up to you, my most loyal of imagined readers. On Super Bowl Sunday, I will post the culmination of an hours long investigation that may very well change your life. I can’t tell you what it is about, only that when I die, it will probably be the only thing anyone remembers about me. It will be my legacy.  Provided that we get an actual reader on this site before I die.

Tell everyone you know, fictitious readers. Tomorrow, the world changes for the better. Unless I die tonight. So, provided that I survive until morning and provided someone ever reads this groundbreaking work, the world will be changed for the better. Maybe.

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Just like real life except fun!

Have you ever wished you could just get away? Quit your job, grab a couple tools and some beef jerky and go live off the land? I have.

But thanks to the wonders of modern technology, we can experience all the thrills of trying to not die in the wilderness without the consequences. Continue reading

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Stuff for Sale

I’m not a good salesman. I used to assume I would be because I just assumed I was probably good at everything. As it turns out, I’m not. I know this because I’ve tried it and it wasn’t that fun.

You may remember a trendy fad known as the “internet.” It was kind of big in the 2000’s and should be fading into obscurity anytime now.  I sold that. Briefly. Door-to-door. This year. It was quite an experience, the likes of which I’d hoped to never encounter again. Continue reading

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Me, the Barbarian

I love good pulp adventures like Robert E. Howard’s Conan stories. I love that the hero is a beast, able to accomplish superhuman feats, get the girl and beat the bad (usually) guys to death.

I love that a hero like Conan doesn’t worry about moral qualms like: “Should I really be robbing this temple?” or “Shouldn’t I let the woman choose if she wants to be with me or not?”

Sometimes I like to imagine that I’m a barbarian like Conan. A wild and crazy barbarian biding his time with a domesticated job, wife, apartment and adulthood responsibilities. Continue reading

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More than 20 items?!

I stopped in at a super shopping center the other day, let’s call it “Walmart,” to pick up a loaf of bread. Carrying only the one loaf of bread, I entered the speedy checkout line.

“What a whirlwind day,” you’re probably exclaiming. But wait, the story’s only just begun. Continue reading

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